What’s the key difference between living from approval and living for approval, specifically looking at how it impacts decision-making, self-worth, and overall happiness? How do these two mindsets manifest in everyday behaviors and long-term life choices, like career paths, relationships, and personal goals? Are there concrete examples that illustrate the subtle, yet significant, divergence between these two approaches to validation?
Answer
The key difference between living from approval and living for approval lies in the source and purpose driving one’s actions and sense of self-worth.
Living from approval implies that validation and positive feedback serve as a consequence or a beneficial outcome of actions driven by internal motivations, values, or goals. It’s about being pleased when others approve, but that approval isn’t the primary reason for doing something. Individuals living from approval are generally secure in their own self-worth, and external validation is a "nice-to-have" rather than a "must-have."
- Source of Motivation: Primarily internal – driven by personal values, interests, passions, goals, and a sense of self.
- Self-Worth: Grounded in an internal sense of accomplishment, competence, and self-acceptance. External approval is supplementary.
- Decision-Making: Based on personal conviction and thoughtful consideration of options, often aligning with internal values. External opinions are considered but not necessarily decisive.
- Emotional Response to Criticism: While criticism might sting, it doesn’t shatter their self-image. They can objectively evaluate the feedback and determine its validity without feeling personally attacked or devalued.
- Behavioral Patterns: More likely to take risks, pursue unconventional paths, and express their individuality, even if it means facing disapproval. They are comfortable being authentic.
- Resilience: Stronger ability to bounce back from setbacks and failures because their self-worth isn’t tied to external outcomes or the opinions of others.
- Example: An artist who creates art because they love the process and have a vision to express. They are happy when people appreciate their work, but their motivation to create doesn’t depend on positive reviews. They might even experiment with styles that are less popular if it fulfills their artistic goals.
Living for approval, on the other hand, describes a state where the desire to gain acceptance and validation from others is the primary driving force behind one’s choices and behaviors. It indicates a deep-seated need for external validation to feel worthy and secure. Individuals living for approval often tailor their actions, beliefs, and even personality to conform to what they perceive others want or expect, often at the expense of their own authenticity and well-being.
- Source of Motivation: Primarily external – driven by the desire to gain acceptance, praise, and avoid rejection from others.
- Self-Worth: Dependent on external validation. A lack of approval leads to feelings of inadequacy, anxiety, and low self-esteem.
- Decision-Making: Heavily influenced by what others think. They prioritize pleasing others, even if it means compromising their own values or needs. Fear of disapproval dictates choices.
- Emotional Response to Criticism: Highly sensitive to criticism, perceiving it as a direct attack on their worth. May become defensive, withdrawn, or experience significant anxiety.
- Behavioral Patterns: Tendency to be a "people-pleaser," avoid conflict, and suppress their own opinions or needs. They may exhibit chameleon-like behavior, adapting to different social situations to gain acceptance.
- Resilience: Vulnerable to setbacks and failures because their self-worth is contingent upon external outcomes. Rejection or disapproval can be devastating.
- Example: An individual who chooses a career path based on parental expectations rather than their own interests, constantly seeking praise and validation from their parents. They might avoid expressing dissenting opinions or taking risks that could lead to disapproval.
In essence, living from approval is a healthy byproduct of authentic living, while living for approval is a form of self-abandonment, driven by insecurity and a fear of being unloved or unworthy.
Pray This Prayer
Dear God, Source of all that is good and true,
I come before you today seeking guidance and strength. I recognize the subtle, yet profound, difference between living from approval and living for approval.
Living from approval, I understand, allows the light of Your grace to shine through me. It’s the joy I feel when I know I am walking on the path You have laid out, guided by the internal compass of my conscience and Your whispered wisdom. It’s the gentle affirmation that I am being true to myself and fulfilling the purpose you have instilled within me.
But living for approval, I see, is a trap. It’s a constant chase after the fleeting validation of others, a never-ending cycle of performance and self-doubt. It’s a suffocating cage built of expectations, where my worth is defined by the fickle opinions of the world around me. It draws me away from Your light and into the shadows of insecurity and fear.
Lord, please help me to discern the difference. Help me to release the need to be constantly validated by others. Grant me the courage to follow my own path, even when it diverges from the expectations placed upon me. Instill in me the unwavering knowledge that my worth comes from You, and from You alone.
Help me to live from the wellspring of Your approval, grounded in your unconditional love and guided by the truth within my own heart. May I strive for excellence, not for accolades, but for the sheer joy of expressing the gifts you have given me.
Grant me the wisdom to accept myself, flaws and all, knowing that Your love is a constant, unchanging beacon in the sometimes stormy seas of life. Help me to focus on being a vessel for Your love, rather than a performer on a stage of fleeting praise.
Thank you for your grace, your patience, and your unwavering love.
Amen.
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