I’m struggling with a really specific issue in my spiritual life. I understand the general idea of praying for others, and I even find it relatively easy to pray for people I care about – my family, my friends, people in need that I see in the news. But I have a very hard time bringing myself to genuinely pray for individuals I actively dislike, whether it’s because of personal conflicts, differences in values, or just a general feeling of animosity. It feels insincere and almost hypocritical to ask for good things for someone I don’t like. So, why should I pray for people I don’t like, especially considering the negative emotions involved, and what benefits might I, or they, receive from such prayers? Are there different ways to approach these prayers that might make them feel less forced and more authentic? What are some theological or philosophical perspectives that address this difficulty?
Answer
Praying for people you don’t like is encouraged in many religious and ethical traditions for several reasons, encompassing personal growth, fostering compassion, and promoting positive change in the world. These traditions often emphasize universal love, forgiveness, and empathy, even towards those who may be difficult or considered adversaries.
Personal Transformation:
- Breaking Down Barriers: Praying for someone you dislike can break down internal barriers of resentment, anger, and prejudice. It forces you to confront your negative feelings and consider the other person’s well-being.
- Softening the Heart: The act of praying can soften your heart and open you to empathy. It encourages you to see the other person as a fellow human being with their own struggles and vulnerabilities.
- Shifting Perspective: Praying can shift your perspective, helping you see the situation from a different angle. You might begin to understand the reasons behind their behavior or recognize their humanity.
- Promoting Inner Peace: Holding onto negativity can be emotionally draining. Praying for someone you dislike can help you release those negative emotions, leading to greater inner peace and emotional well-being.
- Spiritual Growth: Many spiritual traditions believe that extending compassion and forgiveness, even to those who are difficult, is essential for spiritual growth and development.
Fostering Compassion and Empathy:
- Recognizing Shared Humanity: Praying for someone, regardless of your feelings towards them, acknowledges their inherent worth and shared humanity. It reminds you that you are both part of the same human family.
- Cultivating Empathy: Praying encourages empathy by prompting you to consider their needs, struggles, and desires. It helps you see them beyond your personal grievances.
- Overcoming Prejudice: Praying can help overcome prejudice and biases by forcing you to confront your assumptions and judgments about the other person.
- Extending Forgiveness: Praying can pave the way for forgiveness, both for the other person and yourself. Holding onto resentment can be detrimental to your own well-being.
Promoting Positive Change:
- Positive Influence: The act of praying for someone can have a positive influence on them, even if they are unaware of it. Prayer is believed by many to have the power to bring about positive change in their lives and circumstances.
- Creating a Ripple Effect: Extending compassion and goodwill, even through prayer, can create a ripple effect of positive change in the world.
- Promoting Reconciliation: Praying for someone you dislike can create the possibility of reconciliation and healing in relationships. It opens the door for understanding and forgiveness.
- Transforming Relationships: By changing your own heart and perspective, prayer can transform relationships that were previously strained or difficult.
Ethical Considerations:
- Universal Love: Many ethical systems emphasize the importance of universal love and compassion, extending goodwill even to those who are considered enemies or adversaries.
- Golden Rule: Praying for others, even those you dislike, aligns with the Golden Rule of treating others as you would want to be treated.
- Promoting Harmony: Praying for others can promote harmony and understanding in communities and societies.
In summary, praying for people you dislike is not necessarily about condoning their behavior but rather about personal growth, fostering compassion, and promoting positive change in the world. It’s about transcending personal feelings and embracing a more universal sense of empathy and goodwill. It is about aligning yourself with principles of love, forgiveness, and understanding, which are often seen as fundamental to spiritual and ethical well-being.
Pray This Prayer
Okay, here’s a prayer grappling with the question of praying for those we dislike, acknowledging the difficulty and striving for a change of heart:
Prayer:
"Lord, I come before you with a question that sits heavy on my heart: Why should I pray for people I don’t like? The truth is, Lord, there are individuals in my life, and perhaps in the world, towards whom I feel resentment, anger, or dislike. My natural inclination is to wish them away, or at best, ignore them.
I struggle to understand why I should lift them up to you in prayer. My heart feels resistant, even rebellious. It whispers justifications for my feelings: ‘They deserve what they get,’ ‘They’ve hurt me,’ ‘They’re simply bad people.’
But I know, deep down, that this is not the path you call me to. So I ask for your help.
Lord, soften my heart. Open my eyes to see them as you see them – as fellow human beings, flawed and imperfect, just like myself. Help me to recognize their pain, their struggles, and the potential for good that resides within them, even if I cannot see it now.
I confess that my dislike is a barrier between me and you, between me and my own growth. Help me to release the bitterness and resentment that consumes me. Replace it with compassion, empathy, and a genuine desire for their well-being.
Give me the strength to pray for their healing, their peace, and their growth, even if I don’t understand their actions or agree with their choices. Show me how to pray for them without condoning their behavior, but with a spirit of love and forgiveness.
Lord, transform my heart so that I may genuinely desire the best for those I dislike. Help me to be an instrument of your peace and reconciliation in the world.
I ask this in the name of Jesus, who prayed for those who crucified him. Amen."