I’ve been with my girlfriend for a few years now, and things are generally good, but I’ve been wondering if I’m truly appreciating her as much as I should. Sometimes I worry I’m getting too comfortable. Instead of grand gestures, what are some subtle, almost unnoticeable, behaviors or thought patterns that might indicate I’m subconsciously taking her for granted? I’m talking about the little things, not obvious neglect. For example, perhaps ways I react to her sharing her day, or small chores I might be consistently overlooking. What are some subtle signs that I might be taking her for granted, specifically focusing on relationship dynamics in a long-term, stable relationship?
Answer
Subtle signs you might be taking her for granted can manifest in various ways, impacting her emotional well-being and the overall health of the relationship. These signs often revolve around a decrease in effort, appreciation, and attentiveness on your part.
Emotional Neglect:
- Reduced Active Listening: You interrupt her more often, are easily distracted when she’s talking, or offer generic, unengaged responses (“Uh-huh,” “Okay”). You might not remember details from conversations you’ve had recently.
- Dismissing Her Feelings: You invalidate her emotions by telling her she’s overreacting, being too sensitive, or that her problems aren’t “real” issues. You minimize her concerns or offer quick fixes without genuine empathy.
- Lack of Emotional Availability: You become less open about your own feelings and experiences, creating a distance between you. She may feel like she’s no longer your confidante.
- Decreased Affection: Physical affection like hugs, kisses, holding hands, and cuddling diminishes. Verbal affirmations of love and appreciation become rare or nonexistent.
- Ignoring Her Need for Support: When she’s struggling, you’re less available to offer a listening ear, practical help, or emotional support. You might make excuses or deflect responsibility.
- Shifting Blame: Consistently blaming her for problems or conflicts, even when you share responsibility, demonstrates a lack of accountability and a devaluation of her perspective.
Decreased Effort and Appreciation:
- Expecting Her to Handle Everything: You automatically assume she’ll take care of household chores, errands, social planning, or other responsibilities without offering to help or expressing gratitude.
- Ignoring Her Contributions: You fail to acknowledge or appreciate her efforts, whether it’s her work, her support for you, or her contributions to the relationship. Her accomplishments are met with indifference.
- Assuming Her Availability: You expect her to be available whenever you need her, without considering her own schedule, needs, or desires. You might make last-minute requests or plans without consulting her.
- Reduced Effort in Dates and Romance: Date nights become less frequent or less thoughtful. You stop planning surprises or doing things to show her you care. Romance feels like a chore.
- Neglecting Special Occasions: Forgetting important dates like birthdays or anniversaries, or putting minimal effort into celebrating them, can signal a lack of care and consideration.
- Taking Her Help for Granted: When she does something nice for you, you accept it without expressing genuine appreciation or reciprocating in some way. It becomes an expectation, not a gift.
Lack of Attention and Respect:
- Prioritizing Other Things: You consistently prioritize work, hobbies, friends, or other activities over spending time with her. She feels like she’s always competing for your attention.
- Being on Your Phone Constantly: When you are together, you’re frequently distracted by your phone, social media, or other digital devices. You’re not fully present in the moment.
- Criticizing Her Publicly: Making negative comments about her appearance, behavior, or opinions in front of others can be deeply hurtful and disrespectful.
- Not Considering Her Opinions: You make decisions that affect both of you without consulting her or considering her perspective. Her opinions are dismissed or ignored.
- Breaking Promises: Regularly failing to follow through on promises, big or small, erodes trust and shows a lack of respect for her feelings.
- Ignoring Her Boundaries: You disregard her personal boundaries, whether they are physical, emotional, or social. You may push her to do things she’s uncomfortable with.
Overall Relationship Dynamics:
- Increased Complaints and Nagging: She may start complaining more or “nagging” you because she feels unheard, unappreciated, or neglected. This is often a sign that her needs aren’t being met.
- Withdrawal and Distance: She may become more withdrawn, less communicative, or less affectionate as a way of protecting herself emotionally.
- Reduced Intimacy: Emotional and physical intimacy decrease, leading to a feeling of disconnection and loneliness.
- Increased Conflict: Arguments and disagreements become more frequent and intense, often revolving around the same underlying issues of neglect and lack of appreciation.
- Feeling Like You’re “Just Roommates”: The relationship loses its spark and passion, and you start feeling like you’re simply living together rather than being a couple.
If you recognize several of these signs in your behavior, it’s important to take a step back and reflect on your actions. Open communication with your partner, a willingness to listen to her concerns, and a commitment to making changes are crucial for rebuilding trust and restoring the balance in the relationship. Seeking couples counseling can also provide valuable guidance and support.
Pray This Prayer
Dear God, Source of all love and connection,
I come before you with a humble heart, seeking guidance and wisdom. I cherish the relationship I have with [Her Name/Partner’s title, e.g., my wife], and I truly desire to nurture and appreciate her.
But I fear I may be blind to my own shortcomings. What are some subtle signs, Lord, that I might be taking her for granted? Open my eyes to the small ways I might be neglecting her needs, overlooking her efforts, or failing to express my gratitude.
Show me if I am:
- Ignoring her opinions or dismissing her feelings as unimportant.
- Expecting her to handle certain tasks without offering to help or acknowledging the burden.
- Becoming complacent in our communication, ceasing to truly listen and engage with her.
- Forgetting the little gestures of love and affection that once meant so much.
- Prioritizing my own needs and wants without considering her desires and well-being.
- Failing to express my appreciation for all that she does, both big and small.
Help me to see these blind spots, Lord. Grant me the strength to confront my own tendencies towards complacency and self-centeredness. Guide my words and actions, so that I may show her the deep love and respect she deserves. Remind me constantly to cherish her presence in my life and to express my gratitude openly and sincerely.
Help me to not just hear, but truly listen to what she needs. Help me to see her for the incredible woman she is, and to reflect her worth back to her. May our relationship be a testament to your love, strengthened by mutual respect, appreciation, and unending gratitude.
In Your loving grace, I pray.
Amen.